I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
