Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
