Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
