something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
