Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
