You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
areolas are like halos for boobs.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
