Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
