i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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