I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Damn victory sex feels great
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
