I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
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