Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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