here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
