idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
