Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
