Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
