When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
