can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Are we still banned from the library?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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