I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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