there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
