Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
