I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I didn't notice because vodka
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
