I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
