dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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