shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
she pinky promised me she was 18
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Randomize
