I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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