You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
