Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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