I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
