I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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