i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
