I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
