I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
