I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i think i just lost a toe
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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