so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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