I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
