your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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