are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
