i already hear my dad disowning me
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
