ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
