The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
