You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
