That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
