I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
