ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
