i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
