my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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