he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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