Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
