So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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