I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He told me they were just razor bumps!
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
