$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
